Have you ever felt like someone else got something that you deserved more than they did? A job, a promotion, a relationship, a new car? Or a talent, or opportunity? Do you wonder why God doesn’t bless you the way he blesses other people? That’s the topic I want to explore today.
A few days ago, I drove by a house I have driven by repeatedly over the past 25+ years. A beautiful old 2 story house, with a wrap around porch and beautiful Victorian features. Long ago, when I was a single mom of 2 little ones, that house was for sale. It was a STEAL, even back then, at $68,000. I wanted that house so bad. I YEARNED for that house. But I never even looked into it. I assumed it was out of my price range. And I may have been discouraged from wanting it by those who told me that it would require a lot of work, and I wouldn’t be able to handle it, given I was a single mom of 2 littles. But I never stopped wanting that house. And every time I drove by it, I would feel a little ache.
And then a few days ago, as I drove by that house, and felt that familiar ache, I started to examine my heart…. I have recently had to do this on repeat, as I examine things in my life that I have been holding on to too tightly instead of giving to God….anyway, I had driven about 3 blocks when the Holy Spirit hit me with a truth bomb. That house wasn’t my blessing. That house was someone else’s blessing. And who am I to question the accuracy of GOD’S placement of HIS blessings!?!?!? How SELFISH is it of me to want, SOMEONE ELSE’S blessing from God?!?!?! And how ARROGANT would I have to be to think that I DESERVED that blessing from God more than someone else did?!?!?! HE is the all-knowing one. HE knew what that house would mean to its eventual owners. HE had a plan for that house, and I wasn’t a part of that plan. OUCH.
I don’t know about you, but I tend to get really blunt with myself, in order to make a point (to myself). I visualized a physical scenario in my head of our Heavenly Father, like an earthly father, handing a gift to one of his children, and I could see myself like a bratty, selfish child, wanting that gift for myself, and being unthankful for the gifts that he had already given me. I could even envision myself treating my gifts poorly, and then expecting my Father to replace them with bigger and better gifts! (Imagine a job where you do the bare minimum while you pray for a better job with higher pay) Now, even on earth, we KNOW that a just father would not give in to such irresponsible, selfish, entitled behavior. Now imagine yourself looking up with such greed, and not seeing your earthly father, but God, Himself! The mere thought of trying to convince God of my WORTHINESS for ANYTHING was humbling and stopped me in my tracks. I have talked before about how pride is a very sneaky vice, and it shows up in places where we don’t expect it, and this was one of those places for me.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, just as the Bible states, that I don’t see things the way God sees them, and I don’t know what God knows. I don’t know the personal struggles and hardships of others who seem to be “blessed” from the outside looking in. I don’t know what challenges they face due to what I would consider a blessing. I don’t know how God is using those “blessings” to draw them nearer to Him. And I don’t know how God is using those blessings to be a sign to those people that He is real, He is near, and He cares for them. And again, I am humbled. HOW DARE I want something for myself that God may be using to draw others nearer to him. CAN I GET AN AMEN??? At that point, I began to pray for forgiveness.
And so, not only did I have an epiphany that day about blessings that were not mine, I also had an epiphany about the blessings that were mine, but I didn’t appreciate. So when I feel myself wanting something “better,” I stop and ask myself how well am I stewarding what I’ve already been given.
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